You’ve felt it. That lull in your motivation, the break in your momentum—that sense that everyone around you is moving on fast forward while you're standing still. If you’re anything like me, these periods of perceived stagnation are also accompanied by a side of panic: What am I doing wrong?

‍Whether you feel like you’re falling behind in your sex life, love life, career, friendships, family planning, or other personal goals, there is one thing about which I can be certain: in this life, we do not go backwards. There is always a lesson to be gleaned from the pause—from the stuckness—even if (especially if) it’s a lesson we weren’t expecting.

The longer I spend on my healing journey, the more I’m convinced that there are two types of growth: the kind we ask for, and the kind we would never ask for. The growth that happens during a time of felt stuckness almost always falls into the latter category. It’s the less glamorous kind—the kind that will almost certainly not be celebrated by those around you—but it’s the kind that I’ve found invites the most meaningful metamorphosis.

While the feeling of stagnation is valid, the reality is that this feeling often comes from a warped perspective. Namely, when we feel stuck, it is typically because we are zoomed in on the moment or topic at hand. What might we notice if we take a birds eye view? Could stagnation actually be an invitation to rest? Could a step off of the relationship escalator be a step towards a core value? Could a period of not knowing remind you that it’s okay to loosen your grip on the reins a bit?  

This isn’t about “finding the silver lining” or believing that “everything happens for a reason”— sometimes there is no silver lining and no reason at all. Rather, it’s about trusting that just as the world keeps on turning, so do you keep on changing. Even in stillness.