There is nothing wrong with being a “relationship person.” I stand firm in this truth. In fact, I believe we are all relationship people; it’s just that some of us prioritize romantic relationships as our core source of connection over platonic, collegial, or familial relationships. I am one of those people.

Or at least, I was. For the first time since my mid-twenties, I am embarking on an intentional period of singleness and celibacy inspired by the realization that serial monogamy was keeping me stuck—stuck repeating the same old relational patterns, stuck nursing the same wounds, stuck in the push-pull of my attachment.  

Had these repeated patterns been my only motivator, I may not have arrived at a decision to shift gears. The real catalyst was the realization that all of my patterns had a real and painful impact on several of the people I have dated.

As an ex-evangelical, I’ve done the celibacy and singleness gig before.

In the past, though, these periods have been ripe with shame and the sense that I was paying for something intrinsically bad about myself. This time, I have been embracing this resolution as a gift. I’m starting to recognize that there is actually no downside to slowness, self-investment, and time to process and grieve previous partnerships.

More than pedestalizing singleness (and I do think singleness deserves time in the spotlight), I have moved into self-partnership. Romanticizing, even sexualizing, my relationship with myself has given me direction. A movement! A spark! As a first step, I’ve started forming an extremely intimate relationship with my tarot deck and journal.

This is not a call into singleness and/or celibacy. Like any medicine, it is not for everyone in every season. If you do venture into self-partnership, I wish you courage, gentleness, and pleasure. Give yourself time to settle into this new adventure, and let yourself be surprised by what you discover.

Photo Credit: The L Word