Pre-Order Feel It All and begin your sexual awakening on May 14. You may even feel compelled to thank your ex, like I did.

If you missed my announcement on Instagram, it’s not too late to order my new book Feel it All: A Therapist’s Guide to Reimagining Your Relationship with Sex. While writing the acknowledgements of Feel it All, I felt surprised by a pull to thank my exes. In considering all of the teachers in my life, I realized none have invested quite as deeply as the queer people I have loved and who have loved me. I have certainly grieved my exes—felt sadness, anger, numbness, longing—and moving through that grief has landed me in gratitude.

We are not socialized to thank our exes. We are taught to disparage them, gossip about them, compare ourselves to them, outheal them, create physical and emotional distance from them. But what if? What if we built an altar to those who have been instrumental in our education on how to be human: how to compromise, how to have sex, how to show up, how to love and receive love?

Acknowledgement does not require a reach out or reconnection. It does not even require forgiveness. Place your hand over your heart and wonder: have I acknowledged the exes who raised me?